By Duane Cottrell
September 2003
For the past few years I have spent a great deal of time and energy as a church planter trying to figure out what was keeping people away from church. What is it that people want in a church, after all? Ironically, having been "out of church" for the past nine months or so, I find myself asking what keeps me away from church. What do I really want? Here's my short-answer list:
1. To be anonymous.
I don't want to go to a church in someone's living room. I don't want to be in a small group. All I want is to go sit in the back of a big church where no one will notice me unless I want to be noticed. I still feel too wounded and vulnerable to bear it all to strangers.
2. To be catholic.
This is not a theological statement, but a practical one. I want ritual and sacrament and meaning and depth in worship. Not slide shows, hand clapping and praise teams. I've visited so many different churches over the past few months, and I have been completely surprised at how I connect with the rich symbolism in the Mass.
3. To worship.
At one point in my life, I was able to feel God's presence through musical worship. I want to stand in a crowd of hundreds of other people, all singing the songs I know and love. I want to sing from my heart and feel emotion again. I don't know if I've changed or what, but it has been literally years since this happened.
4. To be understood.
I don't want to have to explain why I haven't been in church for almost a year, and I don't want to be interrogated about my past. I want to be accepted and embraced where I am spiritually by people who have been there and know what I'm talking about. I want to find a group of people who will walk beside me, ask the same questions I ask, have the same struggles I have, and simply love me.
5. NOT to be held accountable.
Most people's idea of accountability is rattling off a list of questions relating to your personal habits. But the truth is that by strict definition of the word, you simply cannot hold someone accountable for something over which you have no authority. I do not want to "give a report" of what I have been doing spiritually. HOWEVER, I do want someone to have an interest in me and my spiritual life that is genuine, unselfish, and for no other reason except that they love me (as of now, countless people have asked me where I am attending church...not a single one has asked how I am doing spiritually. When I DO admit I'm not attending because I am burnt out, all I get is encouragement to go back to church, or an invitation to try their church.)
6. To not have to hide any more.
I am a former pastor and professional minister, who doesn't pray, read his bible or attend church, but I can't be honest about that. I don't tell new people I meet that I used to be a pastor, and I avoid people who already know. I just want it to be okay to be frustrated and angry and to want answers to my questions. I don't want advice, and I don't want the hidden condemnation I feel everyday (whether real or perceived).
7. For someone to explain to me why my life would be better because I got up early on one of only two days off each week and spent a couple of hours at church.
To date, I have not found a church that will fulfill all of these, although I have found many who think they can. Of course, I realize these are just "wants" based on my emotional state right now, and not necessarily real needs. They are not meant to paint an accurate picture of what the church ought to be. They are simply my list of demands. Oh, I almost forgot the last one.
8. A getaway car
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