I'm Looking For A Church

by Duane Cottrell
November 6, 2004

People keep asking me where I'm going to church. I'm only slightly annoyed by that question because I realize that most people ask it out of genuine concern for me, and they have no other way to quantify my spiritual life. When someone else asks where I am going to church, I usually do them the courtesy of assuming they mean, "how are you doing spiritually."

In any case, it always leaves me scrambling for words to express my dissatisfaction with church as a whole and my hopeful expectations of what a church should be like. The former elicits a certain defensiveness in people because, after all, it is their church I am dissatisfied with. The latter prompts most people to say something to the effect of, "well, no church is perfect." Of course, I am not looking for a perfect church. I'm looking for a church that closely resembles what I believe is the Biblical model for Church.

My first issue is primarily theological, and therefore requires a look beneath the surface of most churches. I feel that the church in America has embraced a very self-centered gospel. We begin our sharing of that gospel by promising, "God loves you and has a plan for your life." Somewhere later on down the line we misquote Jeremiah and say that God's plan is "to prosper you and not to harm you." What we end up with is a large group of hopeful believers who expect God to keep them from harm and make their lives prosperous and successful. I would like to see a church that acknowledges the fact that God has a plan for His people collectively, not necessarily individually, and if we willingly join our life with His, we may very well lose our individual life for the collective good of God's Kingdom. The life of a Christian may be filled with difficulty, struggles, pain and suffering, much of which has nothing to do with our faith. God has never promised to keep us from these kinds of things, and many American Christians who believe He has will be hurt and confused when something bad happens. Church should be a place to work through those issues without using the phrases, "God has a plan," and "everything happens for a reason."

A closely related theological issue is the end goal of the Gospel. Much of our evangelism is based on the reward of eternal life. "Pray this prayer so you can go to heaven when you die. In the meantime, here's a Sunday school class, a choir, a mission trip and an offering plate to keep you occupied until you do." The truth is that the Gospel is an invitation into a new life-God's life-through Jesus Christ, and that life begins now. When we make a decision to join Him, we are committing our entire life to His work and His ways. It is, of course, a wonderful benefit that we are able to continue that life even after our physical bodies expire, but it would be closer to the truth to say that they purpose of this life is to practice for the next, and those who are merely waiting for the next life to begin may be a bit surprised when it does.

The second characteristic I would look for in a church would be the way in which they approach spiritual formation. It seems clear to me that spirituality is largely an individual endeavor; prayer, meditation, and intimacy with God are all private activities that are integral to one's own spiritual journey. In many churches, the accepted means of spiritual growth (or, one of my least favorite terms-"being fed") is large-group teaching from a pastor or teacher. While teaching is certainly important, and knowledge of scripture is the basis for all we are and do, the spiritual life is 20% knowledge and 80% behavior. What matters most is not information, but transformation. So, churches that are centered around the spoken word, the pulpit, or Bible teaching, are missing the most important element of the spiritual journey.

If we look at Jesus' own model of teaching, it is obvious that he spoke to large crowds, and taught about God's ways. However, the majority of his time was spent with his disciples, living the lesson, inviting others to "come and see." A true Biblical model of teaching for life change would be 20% words and 80% living. Companions for the journey, mentors and encouragers, as well as small groups for discussion and "processing" would all be part of a church that followed this model. The idea that we can listen to a 40-minute exposition of one Biblical idea per week and be effective in God's Kingdom is...well...silly. And churches that claim to know the importance of the individual's inward journey and outward journey, yet do not show evidence of that in their structure and programming just don't make sense.

What you would see in a church that approaches spiritual formation in this way might look strangely similar to an AA meeting. "Hi, my name is Duane and I'm a sinner." Most churches are places where people have to hide their sin. And when I say sin, I'm not necessarily talking about big, hairy, nasty sins. I'm talking about the fact that you haven't opened your Bible or prayed in a month. Or, that you saw a person with a need you could meet, but instead of helping you chickened out. A real church would be a place to come and work through these issues with people who are right in the middle of it with you. Imperfect people helping other imperfect people become less imperfect.

One final component of this approach to spiritual formation would be the reliance on what I would call "non-cognitive" spiritual disciplines. I believe that we need to re-connect with the truly spiritual side of our being. Studying the Bible, praying through lists of prayer requests, and serving in some kind of ministry work are all important, but they are essentially cognitive activities that do not force us to rely on the Spirit in us. We tend to be scared of meditation, silence, solitude, and contemplation because we can't control them and there is no tangible outcome. But the only way to be connected to God as a spiritual being is to spend time in the spiritual realm. Churches that do this might all look different, but it would be evident in their structure, teaching, and most of all, their people. It is likely that, looking from the outside in, one would be able to clearly see the Holy Spirit at work.

The last component I am looking for in a church is some kind of connection to the poor and marginalized in the world. It amazes me how many Christians and churches can rationalize their way out of Jesus' teachings about the poor. It seems pretty clear in scripture that one of the most important things we are to do as followers of Jesus is to help the poor, the sick, the hungry, and imprisoned (see Matthew 25:31-46).

Many churches will claim a connection to these groups of marginalized people and point to their budgets as evidence. What I would like to see is a church with a real blood, sweat, and tears connection to the most despised people in our world, and not just financial contributions.

Living in America, this is hard to do. After all, being an American automatically places you in the top 5% of wealthy people in the world, so we don't see the poor and needy very often. It is easy to see how in the early part of the 20th Century our concept of missions was largely about sending others to far away places that were difficult to get to and supporting them with our dollars. However, in today's global economy and culture that makes it possible to click a mouse and buy a cow for a whole village (www.heifer.org), there is little justification for this distant approach as our only work with the poor. There are plenty of people in our world (and our country, for that matter) who need our help. Food, clothing, shelter, medicine, and justice are not enjoyed by everyone in the world, yet I am sure Jesus would ask us to make sure they were.

With the exception of churches that put catchy slogans on their marquis sign, it is difficult to know much about a particular church at first glance. Most of these issues take a bit of investigation to uncover, and therefore I will ultimately have to immerse myself in a church community to discover if it lives up to my expectations.

The problem I have, really, is not that churches like I have described do not exist. I am fairly certain that they might. The problem is that I am not ready for one. I understand the kind of commitment required in a church like this. I understand the level of intimacy necessary in a community that has these attributes. And, I am well aware that a church like this would completely change my whole life. The hardest part of answering the question, "Why aren't you going to church," is explaining the things I have attempted to explain here. The easy answer is simply to say, "I'm not ready." Either way, I'm telling the truth.

Comments

[Bradley Hilderbrand]

Dear Duane-

A mutual friend recommended I read your entry and comment on it. I am hesitant to do so, because I am firmly of the conviction that you should never get into an argument/discussion with anyone that you can't take to lunch. After all, WHO has ever changed their mind on things after an online debate?

In addition, you may not even be LOOKING for people to comment on your blog. "What I have written, I have written" is an understandable attitude to have, and many times it is appropriate due to a person's situation in life.

So, before I begin any kind of dialogue with you I will simply ask: Are you willing to have a conversation about this? I can promise two things: #1, the tone from me will always remain respectful and courteous (as all dialogue should be, IMHO), and #2, it will probably be rather lengthy.

I await your response,
Brad.

[Duane Cottrell]

Hi Brad,
Thanks for your thoughtfulness in asking about commenting. I guess my initial reaction is that I am not interested in a debate or argument. This post was written 7 years ago and is a reflection of what I felt at that time. I am fully aware that there were a great many people who disagreed with me then, and just as many who disagree with me now, and most conversations with those people are simply not fruitful. However, I *have* had lunch with our mutual friend and enjoyed our conversation very much.

So I'll ask you, other than the fact that you were asked to do so, why are you interested in a public conversation with a stranger?

[Bo Shirah]

Duane, I had anticipated to comment on your blog by now. One of the things I had planned to do was introduce you and Brad. Let me clarify something very quickly as I know miscommunication can easily happen in the written context especially when two parties don't know each other at all. When I read your blog Duane, I noticed not only similar themes but a similar tone of voice that Brad and I have used throughout the years. We've had countless conversations about "churchianity", Christianity, being a follower of Christ, worship, using scripture out of context, modern vs. postmodern, emerging, orthodox, fundamentalists, Evangelicals, etc.... Brad's use of the words argument/discussion/debate were by no means a warning that he was about to cast stones or attack your thoughts and ideas. For example though Brad is immeasurably more well versed than me in biblical knowledge and theology, he has never made me feel inadequate or naive. Brad has always been judicial, diplomatic, and innocuous in his share of ideas. The only people who have had problems are those who have been offended by the ideas themselves, and that was most likely his motivation in sending his introductory message. One small example I can recall is a woman at church taking offense to Brad's response that "the bible is not the Word of God". She was so appalled by it that she barely gave him the opportunity to explain that the bible says that JESUS is the Word of God not scripture. (Have you had similar encounters throughout your ministry and what you thought was open dialog?) All that to say that this will remain as Brad put it "a respectful and courteous conversation". Now that I've clarified that I'd like to get this conversation going!

One of the overarching thoughts from your original post that penetrated through me was that you said you weren't ready for the ideal church that you described. I wonder whether I am ready to commit to that kind of church too. I mean, once I've removed all the convenient excuses, what will be my excuse to not be involved then? Do I really just want to be a proud spectator in a church that does all the things I want it to do? Sort of like watching my favorite sports teams....

[Bo Shirah]

In your first 2 paragraphs it is funny to see how people are always trying to "fix" whatever it is that we're wrestling with. I'm sure I'm guilty of this towards others as well. Also, when people find a church they like, they want EVERYONE to go it don't they lol? One of the most poignant statements I heard concerning this was actually from a rather popular Evangelical (maybe even leans fundy) preacher, Jack Hayford. He said that his ministry didn't really start to grow until he became less concerned about which shepherd God's flock goes to. Once he stopped being possessive about "his" congregational members, God blessed the ministry in which he was involved.
This sounds very noble, but it is also VERY difficult to do in an age where we have automated systems to keep track of tithing and attendance, and that so many church leadership boards are pointing towards the bottom line to fund their astronomically sized buildings and payroll....

[duane]

Sorry if I seemed off-putting in my other comment. I think I mentioned to you, Bo that (I think) Ive turned the corner from deconstruction to construction and am in the process of re-assembling an Ecclesiology that works. Any conversation that moves toward that goal would be more than welcome. Somewhat conveniently (sic.) I have moved across the country twice in the past two years, and therefore havent been in one place long enough to settle in to a community that fosters this kind of discussion, much less explores the possibility of putting it into practice. All of that to say that I am willing to hear what ideas you and Brad have discussed regarding what the church could and should look like. I recently heard Alan Hirsch speak and was drawn to his idea that our Christology informs our Missiology, which informs our Ecclesiology. So, in essence, figuring out how to do church requires going all the way back to our fundamental concepts about who Jesus is and what he is after in our lives. Very compelling stuff.

[Bo Shirah]

Recently I've been wondering what it would be like to just have a worship service at home instead of at an organized church. I actually did it today. It was spontaneous, so I regret to say that I didn't have a bulletin prepared ;-) However, it was a really meaningful time. I led singing from the piano with my 8, 6, & 4 years old sitting in chairs around me. As they sang their hearts out (I could barely hear myself lol!), I interspersed scripture reading and stopped to explain different passages from the songs and how they could relate to their lives. Then I read how Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness. They actually had great questions and input throughout the entire story!

There is this part of me that is curious to know what a church (as in body of people and not the building of course) completely led by volunteers would be like. I'm talking from preaching, leading worship, to counting the tithes! I've seen how self-preservation can distort church employees' motivations. I wonder about the 100% volunteer-led church....

[duane]

Not sure how much you know about my journey, but having been the pastor of a new church plant that was totally volunteer-led, Im a big fan of this. However, I struggle to build a functional model of church when Im talking exclusively about small home-groups. I think Im too much of a preacher to let go of a large-group teaching model, but thats probably just my baggage. Im also a big fan of liturgy. Im drawn to the depth and richness of words, readings, prayers, and songs that have been used in the Church for centuries. Lately Ive been wondering if there was a way to create a home liturgy that was simple enough for my kids but would tap in to some of that rich history and tradition. Im convinced that the real substance of church is what takes place in small groups, walking together and working together to bring Gods kingdom into the world. BUT, Im not ready to give up on large(r) scale worship and teaching, either. I think this is why I cant seem to be satisfied with anything I find.