I thought that Lent had passed me by this year. Disappointed
and frustrated with myself for letting life get in the way once again, I
realized that even though my time of waiting this Lenten season was not
intentional, it was still waiting nonetheless. I have been waiting for months
to hear if my husband will keep his job for next year. I am waiting to live in
a house of my own with my own things. I am waiting for my daughter to be
healed. Before that I was waiting for grad school to be over. I am weary of
waiting. For the last several weeks I’ve been lamenting what it is to wait. The
stress and tension build, my resolve weakens, and my humanity urges me to just
give up.
As so many others observed the Season of Waiting in meaningful ways, I too, was travelling that road without even realizing it. At times it is easy to just push the waiting aside and busy myself with other things to do, but it is always there to meet me… in the darkness of night when the house is quiet and everyone else is asleep. In the silence of morning before everyone else awakes. And it is there sometimes where I least expect it, in the middle of a busy day, reminding me that I can’t outrun it.
And so I struggle to wait well. Patience has never been my strong suit. I identify with the impetuous Peter far more than Jesus, and yet, in my waiting I strive to be more like the one who had to wait his whole life. For 33 years he waited to fulfill his true purpose. And for one final week he waited to die a cruel and unjust death.
How did Jesus wait? He waited with friends. He waited in prayer. He waited by telling stories and going to the Temple. He waited by confronting those who were doing wrong and standing up for those who needed help. He waited by living life.
As I wait, the urge to put everything on hold and do nothing is very strong. But as I look at Jesus in his final week, I see that he lived a full life while he waited. He made every moment count. He may have unnecessarily taken out his frustration on an innocent fig tree at one point, but to me that is proof that even our Savior had a hard time with waiting. Waiting is hard, but how we choose to find God in the midst of it can be our greatest reward.
A Prayer of Waiting
by Elisa Cottrell
In my anxiety, reassure.
In my impatience, endure.
In my discomfort, soothe.
In my frailty, strengthen.
In my waiting… remain.
Amen.
Beautiful and timely. My heart goes out to you as you sit in the waiting place (kinda reminds me of that part from The Places You Will Go"!)
Posted by: Vivian | March 30, 2010 at 11:55 AM